DAMN YOU STINK!

“Damn you stink man! Can’t you smell that? That’s you homie, that’s you smelling like ass!” I’m sure as an average everyday big guy you probably don’t have friends as bold with their opinions as mine. My friends will tell you about yourself in a minute! It’s just their nature.

As an overweight guy it’s important to remember that big guys sweat a lot more than the average person. Because of this we as big brothas need to take extra precautions to prevent funk. Don’t worry big homie I got you covered! Below I have a list that will guarantee you stay as Outkast would want, SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN!

1.      REGULAR DEODORANT WAS NOT DESIGNED FOR REALLY BIG GUYS: Ok I dig those really cool little speed stick deodorizers too. I agree they are cheap and light. But if they leave you funky less than an hour later what good are they. Try Old Spice dry rub for your underarms. I promise it will keep you smelling good for hours.

2.      SHOE POWDER IS A MUST!: If you’re a rather large guy like myself you know that even though you may not smell them from up high your feet will come back to stink out the room when you slide your shoes off. A healthy dose of foot deodorant can give you the extra security you need.

3.      THE BIGGER THE ASS THE MORE YOU COULD HAVE MISSED!: I don’t mean to be rude here but a lot of big folks problem comes from not wiping properly or thoroughly. If you’re a really large guy it may take longer but you must make sure you have wiped and removed the access waste that can sometimes get stuck to your butt or legs. I know it’s a sensitive subject but the poop you miss doesn’t stay there it moves around and up the crack so please take the extra time if you have to but get ‘er done right!

4.      BEHIND YOUR EARS HAVE DIRT!: Like most big guys who have big necks sweat tends to build behind your neck and ears. This happens to all people but if you have access fat in those areas you need to concentrate some attention to those areas. Good old soap and water will help but in order to keep funk of the neck and ears at bay try a q-tip and alcohol. I promise you nothing like a small q-tip with black at the end will prove to you how much you perspire in these areas.

5.      BELLY HOLES STINK HOMIE!: O.k. yet another sensitive area but one that desperately needs attention. If you have the kind of belly that hides your button you need to wash the cave with a soapy towel followed by a Q-tip. The bile that comes out of a belly button can truly ruin all of the hard work that you put into being fresh.