DAMN YOU STINK!

“Damn you stink man! Can’t you smell that? That’s you homie, that’s you smelling like ass!” I’m sure as an average everyday big guy you probably don’t have friends as bold with their opinions as mine. My friends will tell you about yourself in a minute! It’s just their nature.

As an overweight guy it’s important to remember that big guys sweat a lot more than the average person. Because of this we as big brothas need to take extra precautions to prevent funk. Don’t worry big homie I got you covered! Below I have a list that will guarantee you stay as Outkast would want, SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN!

1.      REGULAR DEODORANT WAS NOT DESIGNED FOR REALLY BIG GUYS: Ok I dig those really cool little speed stick deodorizers too. I agree they are cheap and light. But if they leave you funky less than an hour later what good are they. Try Old Spice dry rub for your underarms. I promise it will keep you smelling good for hours.

2.      SHOE POWDER IS A MUST!: If you’re a rather large guy like myself you know that even though you may not smell them from up high your feet will come back to stink out the room when you slide your shoes off. A healthy dose of foot deodorant can give you the extra security you need.

3.      THE BIGGER THE ASS THE MORE YOU COULD HAVE MISSED!: I don’t mean to be rude here but a lot of big folks problem comes from not wiping properly or thoroughly. If you’re a really large guy it may take longer but you must make sure you have wiped and removed the access waste that can sometimes get stuck to your butt or legs. I know it’s a sensitive subject but the poop you miss doesn’t stay there it moves around and up the crack so please take the extra time if you have to but get ‘er done right!

4.      BEHIND YOUR EARS HAVE DIRT!: Like most big guys who have big necks sweat tends to build behind your neck and ears. This happens to all people but if you have access fat in those areas you need to concentrate some attention to those areas. Good old soap and water will help but in order to keep funk of the neck and ears at bay try a q-tip and alcohol. I promise you nothing like a small q-tip with black at the end will prove to you how much you perspire in these areas.

5.      BELLY HOLES STINK HOMIE!: O.k. yet another sensitive area but one that desperately needs attention. If you have the kind of belly that hides your button you need to wash the cave with a soapy towel followed by a Q-tip. The bile that comes out of a belly button can truly ruin all of the hard work that you put into being fresh.

THE "N" WORD IT'S JUST A DAMN WORD!

It’s been a few days now since I thought about this topic and I wanted to speak on it now. Its 2013, why is the “N” word such a hot button topic still? If you have read the sports page lately you have no doubt seen the article about Riley Cooper, the wide receiver for the Philadelphia Eagles and the video that shows him using the “n” word. Apparently he was at a concert and had a few too many drinks. The result was an encounter caught on tape that shows him using the six letter word to describe a group of people. Cooper apologized repeatedly about the use of the word and vowed to be more aware of his language and behavior in the future.

The story was fairly big with teammates both supporting and denouncing the Eagle wide out. One player was quoted as saying I accept his apology but I can never respect him again. Whenever I turned the news on there was harsh criticism of Cooper and his actions everywhere. Get this, the Eagles front office even went so far as to have Cooper attend culture sensitivity classes and take a break from camp! I thought to myself “wow here we are damn near the Jetsons out here and the “N” word is so damn controversial?”

When I was growing up we threw the “N” word around like it was any other phrase. My grandmother and father used the word themselves. Back then there was no problem using the word if you were black. I was told that “hey, that word is terrible if said by other races but not us.” For us African Americans the word is a term of endearment of social what upness if you will. I have friends from all nationalities and I can say without a shadow of a doubt they have said the word. No doubt about it but when in my presence they would try not to say the word. I would assume that they figured it would be offensive to me based on who is saying it. I get it but I don’t get it. IT’S JUST A DAMN WORD!

Why on earth do we give such power to words? We live in a different time folks. Gone are the days when one race’s point of view so dominated the other that they had POWER over them. IT’S JUST A DAMN WORD. Richard Pryor said the word Nigger 20 million times in his career and what did we call him? GENIUS! Average white guy says the word nigger and he is the most racist person on the planet. IT’S JUST A DAMN WORD! Why are we so scared of words in this free society, I just don’t get it. Especially since the word is being used when no one else is there. Let me give you an example. Tupac Shakur was one of the most popular rappers of his time. All Eyez On Me became one of the most successful albums in the history of rap! Millions of people went to the store and bought the CD. As they played the disc they sang along with the music. There is no way in hell that when white folks or any other nationality got to certain sections of the song they didn’t say the word nigger in their car singing along to his lyrics! IT’S JUST A DAMN WORD!

People give words power. What if the word Nigger had no power what so ever? What if it was just another word in the dictionary that everybody said? Don’t give me the whole “well if you take the “er” off the end it’s different, that’s crap! I believe we as a society have the ability to get over stuff. Look how far we have come as a society. We have a black president for goodness sake! Now that doesn’t mean that racism and other things no longer exist. We as a society have problems, but the problems are so much bigger than a word we all use. I don’t care about what someone calls me as long as I’m free to call them something right back if I’m childish! Or I have the ability not to answer to what I do not wish to be called.

Come on folks, we have much bigger issues than the issues of the past. We have a homeless issue, an insurance issue, an abortion issue an education issue. Can we put all the energy we put in labels into finding solutions to the problems that so plague our Nation?

WARNING TO ALL PARENTS: ATHLETES ARE NOT ROLE MODELS

Enough is enough already! I’m sorry to offend some writers and bloggers but athletes are not role models! Every time an athlete does anything he or she isn’t suppose to do I hear the same lame phrase. “As a role model he should have known better, millions of kids look up to him!” It’s a big load of you know what. Listen, we are all human and from time to time we do different things. Now, some of the things we do are good and positive and that’s great, I personally wish I would only do good things and never bad. The reality is we are all human and having the amazing ability to throw a ball 70 yards doesn’t somehow make us less human. That ability just makes some more visible than others. I know a lot of great shooters in the N.B.A. and I would love for my kids to learn to shoot with the deadly accuracy of say a Ray Allen or Steph Curry. These two gentlemen have absolutely beautiful jump shots. They connect with amazing accuracy, I love watching them play. When the game is over I don’t want my kids to be like Allen or Curry off the court. Truth be told, other than their jumper I don’t want them to act like them period. I am by no means taking anything away from these two men; they seem to be great ambassadors for the league.

 What I’m saying is that it’s their job to have a wicked jump shot; it’s my job to be the role model. You know the person that helped bring them into this world. “Hi!” You don’t hear very much about me but I’m the Parent! My job is to be the role model or the person that my son or daughter looks up to when it comes to how to best live their lives. I know it’s crazy but contrary to popular opinion I the parent should have more access to my kid than sports figures do. As a parent it’s great to be able to turn on the T.V. and say “Hey see that guy that just threw down that thunderous dunk, I want you to be like him for a couple of hours while I go to work. He should be all things to you! Model yourself after him, there’s a future in it.” Sound ridiculous you say? Well that’s what fans do all the time! Stop letting Lebron James raise your kids and get into the fight. How about if we stop blaming A-rod for our kids having bad morals and start spending more time with them to help shape said morals. I have absolutely grown tired of the phrase “whether we like it or not athletes are role models.” Says who? Who says they have to be? I mean if I’m raising my children the best I can then I don’t need Wayne Gretsky to be my son’s role model. The choice to give athletes the power to be role models is in whose hands? Who makes that decision? Society?  Circumstance?  Economic Condition?

WRONG!!!!  We as parents make that decision. I want my kids to model the best they can Kobe’s game not his stance on abortion or his after hour partying sessions! It’s entertainment; there is no reason to make it something that it isn’t. Sports have the ability to bring people together. How beautiful is it that people who can’t agree on anything can agree on how great football is? It brings different ethnic groups and races together like few other venues. It allows for so many people to relax and take a break from the real world. Sports and the athletes that play them are amazing and awesome but they are human beings who should be cheered and celebrated for their accomplishments in their respected arenas of sport. I can’t say it enough the one arena athletes should never be in is the ROLE MODEL ARENA unless they are mothers and fathers themselves! Let’s play ball not let’s play substitute parent! 

P.E.D.'s are good for Sports! Random Rants from a fed up Brotha!

It’s Entertainment: I’m sorry to make people mad but the truth is it’s a product that is placed out there for our enjoyment. I go to games to see athletes do amazing and extraordinary things! If taking a drug makes them do it better, then why not? I believe the athlete should be made well aware of the damage that can be caused by using certain chemicals on their bodies. I want to see them running faster,hitting balls farther! It’s great television!

“What do Morals have to do with it?” Listen, this is a business. If you think someone isn't profiting off of these guys your nuts. Check out how much these professional leagues have generated off of these drug taking cheaters! It’s about money. Little Johnny shouldn't be looking up to a Sports figure for what he does to his body behind closed doors. He should look up to him for what he does on the field, period! When huge corporations stop making Billions of dollars off of these players. When ESPN gives back the millions, oh my bad, billions it makes from these athletes we can talk about Morals then. If you’re watching sports because of the character of the people playing it, then you’re watching for the wrong reason. I’m not watching my pastor play football for 3 hours, I’m watching a trained professional play the game he has dedicated his life to.

“The worst thing is they Lied about it!” This one may be the most laughable of all. Of course they lied about it. Their human. When’s the last time you went a year without lying about something. We all lie, every single one of us. “Yeah baby, umm she’s just a friend of mine”. “I was at Bob’s playing Monopoly last Friday night”. I don’t know about you but I personally have flat out lied to avoid a sticky situation. Even when I knew that they knew, I held on to that lie for dear life. I make penny candy money compared to these guys and I lie. I can’t imagine why a guy making millions of dollars would? Wow!

“They are cheaters taking the easy way out!” Ever seen what it takes to make it in major sports? When’s the last time you went to the gym from the time it opened till the time it closed? Lifted weights until you could hardly stand? How many surgically repaired hips have you had to endure? They worked their asses off to get to the point that the drugs could be of benefit anyway! If there was a pill that could take an overweight guy like me and make him Barry Bonds, there would be no need for Major league baseball. What would be the point? If everybody could do it, it wouldn't be entertainment to me!

“It’s just bad for the game?” Which game we talking about? We talking about the game in which millions of dollar are made because of the athletes and what they accomplished? Or are we talking about the game that we go play in our community on Sunday? How has the recent P.E.D’s scandal hurt the millions of people who play the game for fun and no compensation? It hasn’t! I can get a group of buddies together right now and go play a pickup game and have a ball. We as a group would be enjoying the purity of the game. No cameras, no endorsements just fun and friendship. Once I go watch a N.B.A. game ,that’s a business of fun and entertainment! They get paid to provide a service and they do whatever it takes to get an edge.

Finally you know what you hardly ever see? People in the sports world talking about the athlete who has retired. This guy can barely walk a mile without pain because of what he put his body through. How come people aren't calling in to stations all across the country appalled at the fact N.F.L. contracts are not guaranteed? You sign a multimillion dollar contract, blow your knee out and your owed little or nothing from the league. People don’t care about athletes, they care that they have someone to judge. Someone they can hold up to a holy standard they themselves can’t reach!. Do yourselves a favor folks, view it as entertainment and let it go!   

What If Lebron James Was Gay?

I was recently reading an article about Jason Collins. The N.B.A player who announced he was gay. I started to think to myself the following; What if it was a superstar who was gay? Would it be a non-issue like most people in the league and the Press are saying? If Lebron wore a bra would we look at the situation different? We are talking about arguably the most talented athlete on the planet!

When I say bra I don’t mean if the Lebron was a lady but what if after winning his second consecutive O’Brien trophy he announced to the millions watching that he was gay? Keep in mind that James is already the most scrutinized figure in sport as is. The constant comparison’s to Jordan, his previous inability to perform in big games. The ridiculous cries from the blood thirsty media that he lacks a killer instinct. If Lebron was gay would we look at all sports different? Is that what it takes to put this whole issue to bed?

Listen, I for one could give a damn if a player is gay or straight, a descendent of Mars or Pluto, if his jump shot is on point I say; “Put him in!” Truth is that’s my own personal feeling but it’s more complicated then that I know. In team sports there is a bonding between men that rarely occurs in other walks of life. If you don’t believe me, try this. The next time a co-worker of yours does an amazing job at work, walk up to him and say “good job dog” and slap him on his ass! This type of behavior is routine in the sports world and is widely accepted as just part of the game.  Showering and walking around the locker room guys trust that no other player is checking them out or admiring their body. Guys even play pranks on each other in the shower. There is a bond that is like no other between men in sports. Does a teammate who knows another teammate is gay feel hesitant to play or act a certain way around that teammate? Sure he does! Funny thing is that gay teammate probably isn’t interested in the other player anyway but the elephant in the room has caused a moment of pause.

I applaud Collins for having the stone’s to come out and stand on that fragile ledge. However that ledge becomes a 80 foot high tightrope walk if the athlete is at the top of his profession. It’s my opinion that it will take a big time superstar in a major sport to come out publicly, while in his prime, to really bring us together on this matter. The key here is in his Prime! “Why is it important he be in his prime?” you ask. Because the lights will be on that athlete all the time and the world will constantly be reminded of the circumstances surrounding him. “Why a Superstar?” you ask. Well let me ask you this: Can you honestly say that with all the movement that is going on in the N.B.A. right now that you have spent time recently thinking or giving serious thought to the Jason Collins announcement? A more prominent sports figure would  force us to consider our point of view on a very sensitive matter. I believe that perception changes only when we have no other choice but to deal with the issue head on.

Sweat To Swagg

If you love hoop like I do than you can’t wait to stand up and defend the athletes and their behavior. While watching a recent N.B.A. playoff game at a local bar, I was sitting next to a gentleman who was quite disturbed by the way professional athletes showboat and make gestures that bring attention to themselves. “Why does he have to slap his chest and stare like a freak at the crowd? Who does he think he is?  Just play the game!” After a thunderous reverse dunk the amazing athlete on the big screen was in full out celebration. Waving his hand in the air and gesturing to the crowd to get up, "The Rim Destroyer", is now on his way to the bench as a timeout had just been called by the opposing teams coach. As I slowly sip my foamy beer the gentlemen begins in again about the way today’s athletes are so full of themselves and how they should “act like they have been there before when they do something great or helpful for their squad”.

I am by nature a person that loves to debate and argue. O.k., that’s a lie. I’m a stubborn S.O.B who pounds his point of view down someone’s throat until they walk away or take a swing at me! Knowing myself very well and not wanting to cause a scene I think to myself. “It’s just SWAGG!!!!”

The gym in south beach is like any other gym in the world that has a regulation size hoop. At the moment the 6’7 220 pound professional bends his knee at the correct angle, catches the ball with his hands in the familiar acceptance position and whizzes off another shot. This is number 425 and he won’t stop until he has made 500 shots! Not till he shoots 500 shots, until he makes 500 shots! He will put up anywhere between 1,000 and 1,500 shots before the nights over depending on his accuracy. SWEAT!

 With the moonlight casting upon his socked body he struggles to catch his breath. The hill he has been conquering up and down for the last hour and a half is starting to show signs of fatigue as   the professional catches his breath and begins his next trip up. Muscles aching and crying out for mercy are ignored as the mad man races against himself to reach the top. It’s now 3: 30 in the morning eastern time. The birds that normally begin to land on the park benches aren't even up yet as he powers thru his routine. SWEAT!

My point is the celebration isn’t always about the moment. What it’s really about is the effort! On our screens we witness the likes of Kobe Bryant taunting and show boating after fantastic plays. Lebron James yelling as he demoralizes a lesser player on a nasty dunk. But when the camera goes off we don’t see the millions of hours of practice on top of practice that it took to put that athlete into a position to show boat. I mean doesn’t Seth Curry have the right to grab a camera and look into it and say “My gosh I’m hot right now?” He was the one in the gym shooting thousands of jumpers after practice. What’s wrong with De’andre Jordan letting out a primal scream as he races back down the court after posterizing an opponent? He was the one running hills at 3 am to keep his legs strong and developed.

Listen, sometimes players can take it too far. For instance, by not getting back on defense or getting a technical for taunting at a crucial point in the game. When your swagg hurts the overall chemistry of your team I could see how that would be looked down upon. But overall it must be noted that swag is not the enemy! Turning sweat into swagg is the reason the League is what it is today!

Let the games begin!!!!!!

“Hot damn! I guess ya’ll set it off!!!” Ice cube coined the phrase in his rebellious rebuttal song aimed at his former group N.W.A. The Miami Heat has sounded the starter’s pistol and everyone is off to the races. The arms race is in full swing as NBA teams gather all of their information and open up their treasure chest and begin to assemble their own rebuttal aimed toward the Miami Heat! It has long been claimed that imitation is the best form of flattery but this is getting insane! Teams have been sucked into a dangerous tornado of high priced free agents and arming the organization with quick and fast solutions in pursuit of the shiny “Mr. O'Brien trophy” that is bestowed on the last team standing at the end of the season.

I must admit, as a fan it is almost exhilarating to watch the season be continued and drawn out with NBA deals and contract negotiations dominating the news cycles. In my heart it’s cool to have something interesting to talk about as it relates to the association of basketball. The problem, of course, lays in the results of such a frenzy. If we have learned anything it’s that big name free agent signings don’t necessarily equal success. A few years back the Lakers tried this with an aging Gary Payton, Karl Malone, Shaq and Kobe. Anybody wanna guess how many championships that produced? Absolutely none. Even the combining of Paul Pierce, Ray Allen and K.G. only produced one championship. Let’s face it, even that Celtic team was lucky to win the NBA championship.

Most recently, the Spurs who have been the model of consistency, have shown the true way to building a first class organization that fosters winning. Do you know how many teams are consistently following that model? The exact same number of NBA championships won by Carmelo Anthony; zero. Not one team in the association is following the Spurs model of success and it begs the question why? The Spurs have kept the same coach and core roster together for close to 12 years. In that time they have won multiple championships, consistently been a factor in the western conference and played the game the right way. So why isn't that formula being shared around the league?  I’ll tell you why, because it doesn't pay!

The sooner that fans realize that this is a business and only a business the easier it is to see the reason behind the recent behavior of the league. Would it shock you if I told you that the New York Knicks are one of the most valuable franchises in the league and they haven’t won anything important in quite some time now? The Spurs aren't even in the top 5 as far as money maker organizations in the association and they are by far the most successful in the modern era.

I am, in my opinion, one of the biggest basketball fans on the planet but I have long realized that the NBA, in order to continue to grow, must stay star driven and dunking. The fundamentals of the game that are so lauded upon by the likes of George Karl and Doc Rivers are great but they don’t sell tickets. These days trades are made for one reason and one reason only…money! I’m sure I’m not telling you anything you haven’t already heard but let me finish with this. The diehard fan that gets into arguments over which team is better, why the Pistons would take this player over that player and so on, you are the reason that the NBA doesn’t just come out and say we don’t care if we win or lose but if we are a successful business. They have people who get paid a great and handsome salary to inform NBA owners exactly what the sports fanatic wants and needs to hear. Personally I don’t have a problem with any of this. Why you ask? Well because for me it’s all just entertainment and we are definitely getting our monies worth!