DAMN YOU STINK!

“Damn you stink man! Can’t you smell that? That’s you homie, that’s you smelling like ass!” I’m sure as an average everyday big guy you probably don’t have friends as bold with their opinions as mine. My friends will tell you about yourself in a minute! It’s just their nature.

As an overweight guy it’s important to remember that big guys sweat a lot more than the average person. Because of this we as big brothas need to take extra precautions to prevent funk. Don’t worry big homie I got you covered! Below I have a list that will guarantee you stay as Outkast would want, SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN!

1.      REGULAR DEODORANT WAS NOT DESIGNED FOR REALLY BIG GUYS: Ok I dig those really cool little speed stick deodorizers too. I agree they are cheap and light. But if they leave you funky less than an hour later what good are they. Try Old Spice dry rub for your underarms. I promise it will keep you smelling good for hours.

2.      SHOE POWDER IS A MUST!: If you’re a rather large guy like myself you know that even though you may not smell them from up high your feet will come back to stink out the room when you slide your shoes off. A healthy dose of foot deodorant can give you the extra security you need.

3.      THE BIGGER THE ASS THE MORE YOU COULD HAVE MISSED!: I don’t mean to be rude here but a lot of big folks problem comes from not wiping properly or thoroughly. If you’re a really large guy it may take longer but you must make sure you have wiped and removed the access waste that can sometimes get stuck to your butt or legs. I know it’s a sensitive subject but the poop you miss doesn’t stay there it moves around and up the crack so please take the extra time if you have to but get ‘er done right!

4.      BEHIND YOUR EARS HAVE DIRT!: Like most big guys who have big necks sweat tends to build behind your neck and ears. This happens to all people but if you have access fat in those areas you need to concentrate some attention to those areas. Good old soap and water will help but in order to keep funk of the neck and ears at bay try a q-tip and alcohol. I promise you nothing like a small q-tip with black at the end will prove to you how much you perspire in these areas.

5.      BELLY HOLES STINK HOMIE!: O.k. yet another sensitive area but one that desperately needs attention. If you have the kind of belly that hides your button you need to wash the cave with a soapy towel followed by a Q-tip. The bile that comes out of a belly button can truly ruin all of the hard work that you put into being fresh.

THE "N" WORD IT'S JUST A DAMN WORD!

It’s been a few days now since I thought about this topic and I wanted to speak on it now. Its 2013, why is the “N” word such a hot button topic still? If you have read the sports page lately you have no doubt seen the article about Riley Cooper, the wide receiver for the Philadelphia Eagles and the video that shows him using the “n” word. Apparently he was at a concert and had a few too many drinks. The result was an encounter caught on tape that shows him using the six letter word to describe a group of people. Cooper apologized repeatedly about the use of the word and vowed to be more aware of his language and behavior in the future.

The story was fairly big with teammates both supporting and denouncing the Eagle wide out. One player was quoted as saying I accept his apology but I can never respect him again. Whenever I turned the news on there was harsh criticism of Cooper and his actions everywhere. Get this, the Eagles front office even went so far as to have Cooper attend culture sensitivity classes and take a break from camp! I thought to myself “wow here we are damn near the Jetsons out here and the “N” word is so damn controversial?”

When I was growing up we threw the “N” word around like it was any other phrase. My grandmother and father used the word themselves. Back then there was no problem using the word if you were black. I was told that “hey, that word is terrible if said by other races but not us.” For us African Americans the word is a term of endearment of social what upness if you will. I have friends from all nationalities and I can say without a shadow of a doubt they have said the word. No doubt about it but when in my presence they would try not to say the word. I would assume that they figured it would be offensive to me based on who is saying it. I get it but I don’t get it. IT’S JUST A DAMN WORD!

Why on earth do we give such power to words? We live in a different time folks. Gone are the days when one race’s point of view so dominated the other that they had POWER over them. IT’S JUST A DAMN WORD. Richard Pryor said the word Nigger 20 million times in his career and what did we call him? GENIUS! Average white guy says the word nigger and he is the most racist person on the planet. IT’S JUST A DAMN WORD! Why are we so scared of words in this free society, I just don’t get it. Especially since the word is being used when no one else is there. Let me give you an example. Tupac Shakur was one of the most popular rappers of his time. All Eyez On Me became one of the most successful albums in the history of rap! Millions of people went to the store and bought the CD. As they played the disc they sang along with the music. There is no way in hell that when white folks or any other nationality got to certain sections of the song they didn’t say the word nigger in their car singing along to his lyrics! IT’S JUST A DAMN WORD!

People give words power. What if the word Nigger had no power what so ever? What if it was just another word in the dictionary that everybody said? Don’t give me the whole “well if you take the “er” off the end it’s different, that’s crap! I believe we as a society have the ability to get over stuff. Look how far we have come as a society. We have a black president for goodness sake! Now that doesn’t mean that racism and other things no longer exist. We as a society have problems, but the problems are so much bigger than a word we all use. I don’t care about what someone calls me as long as I’m free to call them something right back if I’m childish! Or I have the ability not to answer to what I do not wish to be called.

Come on folks, we have much bigger issues than the issues of the past. We have a homeless issue, an insurance issue, an abortion issue an education issue. Can we put all the energy we put in labels into finding solutions to the problems that so plague our Nation?

WARNING TO ALL PARENTS: ATHLETES ARE NOT ROLE MODELS

Enough is enough already! I’m sorry to offend some writers and bloggers but athletes are not role models! Every time an athlete does anything he or she isn’t suppose to do I hear the same lame phrase. “As a role model he should have known better, millions of kids look up to him!” It’s a big load of you know what. Listen, we are all human and from time to time we do different things. Now, some of the things we do are good and positive and that’s great, I personally wish I would only do good things and never bad. The reality is we are all human and having the amazing ability to throw a ball 70 yards doesn’t somehow make us less human. That ability just makes some more visible than others. I know a lot of great shooters in the N.B.A. and I would love for my kids to learn to shoot with the deadly accuracy of say a Ray Allen or Steph Curry. These two gentlemen have absolutely beautiful jump shots. They connect with amazing accuracy, I love watching them play. When the game is over I don’t want my kids to be like Allen or Curry off the court. Truth be told, other than their jumper I don’t want them to act like them period. I am by no means taking anything away from these two men; they seem to be great ambassadors for the league.

 What I’m saying is that it’s their job to have a wicked jump shot; it’s my job to be the role model. You know the person that helped bring them into this world. “Hi!” You don’t hear very much about me but I’m the Parent! My job is to be the role model or the person that my son or daughter looks up to when it comes to how to best live their lives. I know it’s crazy but contrary to popular opinion I the parent should have more access to my kid than sports figures do. As a parent it’s great to be able to turn on the T.V. and say “Hey see that guy that just threw down that thunderous dunk, I want you to be like him for a couple of hours while I go to work. He should be all things to you! Model yourself after him, there’s a future in it.” Sound ridiculous you say? Well that’s what fans do all the time! Stop letting Lebron James raise your kids and get into the fight. How about if we stop blaming A-rod for our kids having bad morals and start spending more time with them to help shape said morals. I have absolutely grown tired of the phrase “whether we like it or not athletes are role models.” Says who? Who says they have to be? I mean if I’m raising my children the best I can then I don’t need Wayne Gretsky to be my son’s role model. The choice to give athletes the power to be role models is in whose hands? Who makes that decision? Society?  Circumstance?  Economic Condition?

WRONG!!!!  We as parents make that decision. I want my kids to model the best they can Kobe’s game not his stance on abortion or his after hour partying sessions! It’s entertainment; there is no reason to make it something that it isn’t. Sports have the ability to bring people together. How beautiful is it that people who can’t agree on anything can agree on how great football is? It brings different ethnic groups and races together like few other venues. It allows for so many people to relax and take a break from the real world. Sports and the athletes that play them are amazing and awesome but they are human beings who should be cheered and celebrated for their accomplishments in their respected arenas of sport. I can’t say it enough the one arena athletes should never be in is the ROLE MODEL ARENA unless they are mothers and fathers themselves! Let’s play ball not let’s play substitute parent!